2014 I am here, ready for you!
I have so many expectations that it is scary. it is funny I had them for 2013 also, I thought the 2012 was a shitty year..nothing to compare to 2013.
I spent the all year waiting for a men that was with another woman, not capable of telling me the truth and hiding behind lies. I knew it that I wanted to believe in those lies, because I didn't want to face my fears and I know it was soooo wrong. but I did it anyway. and waited until everything broke down and explode in my face. literally when I found out everything on Facebook.
I learnt from this year that when you keep avoiding a situation, life at some point is going to slam it in front of you, no matter for how long you kept avoiding it. that what happened in 2013 for me.
I had to smash my face to the floor and being in the situation that I tried not to be for so long. so I guess that is good...?? yes good but so painful. sometimes I still feel the pain on my skin, in my stomach, literally in my heart.
the worst? I don't think that he ever realized the damages he did. maybe he did and he is avoiding it as I did for so long? I hope so . I think that the lies he told me, even if they were so painful for me, they will be even more painful for him, lies, especially big lies got attached to your soul. they destroy you. instead I will be fine...one really day in 2014.
I realized I became all I never thought I would be: dependent from a man. not even a man, a stupid kid. I became the girl who doesn't let go, even when the things are bad. just no to be alone. I became the girl I always criticized, and I am ashamed of it. I don't want to do the same mistake again, I don't want to get lost in a relationship again and just do everything just to make him happy and make him stay...it is not good for me and it doesn't even work by the way.
I want to learn from all the pain of this year, learn for me. I want to learn to be happy and be grateful. That is what I want to bring over from 2013 and in 2014 try to change all the thoughts that don't make me live but just wondering around in the negative world.
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